I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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