he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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