dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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