i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drunk is not a location!
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