I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
