I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
