Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
