rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
