Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
