smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
