Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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