thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
