I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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