you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
