She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
