dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
