dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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