my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
