so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
