my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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