Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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