I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
