i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
