I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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