dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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