I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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