Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
