it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
