he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
