get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
