So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
