Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
