I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
