Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
