Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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