I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize
