Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
