I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
