once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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