i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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