yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
