Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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