My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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