if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't trust your balls anymore.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
