mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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