I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there was a trapeze. enough said
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
