Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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