Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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