i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
