Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
