If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
